It’s not often that I give this sort of thing away, for free, but quit your job today and start an advertising agency. I don’t mean slick your hair, do blow off a $6,000 hooker and grow a second head. Instead, all you need is a laptop, a firm handshake and some baby-sitting experience.
Stay with me, I’m serious – if any of you schmucks ever complain to anyone about your job after reading this, well, you’re a schmuck.
Google, the Zazillion-dollar golden child of the Weboom, has made two major missteps in the last few years leaving the normally sealed-like-a-latter-day-saint company leaking blue-whale-turds* of cash. All you have to do is get-you-some.
AdWords does work, and can work very well, given two things; first, you know how to use it well. Second, you are willing to babysit that motherfucker and dick with your campaigns all day. Google realized this (infallible as they are) and decided that they would be the media and the ad agency (latter-day-saint-tight, remember). They hired 1,000 young dudes and chicks in Ann Arbor, MI to do the using, and baby-sitting for their clients.
The problem is that it’s not working. Clients are spending heaps of cash (if you think you can’t drop $20k in a month on adwords, I wish you were right; I really, really wish you were right), but the returns are minimal – and this is with the full support of the Google AdWords specialists.
Why isn’t it working? Why aren’t these highly-trained Google dudes-and-chicks creating effective campaigns for their clients? It’s because they’re too-highly-trained. Google, as a good mega-company, indoctrinates their employees – it’s the best way to a successful business, and I fully agree with it. They’re trained to believe that AdWords (their product) is the greatest thing ever invented, and, therefor, can’t do wrong. To them, it can’t fail. How are they supposed to optimize something that they believe is perfect to being with?
They work for Google; AdWords is their product. Clients want, and need, someone who works for them and is trying to sell their product.
So get to it. If you’re reading this, you already have a computer, and time. Start baby-sitting AdWords for people at a small fee. Everyone wins, and you can stop punching a clock. My gift to you.
*note: “turd” is not in spellcheck dictionary, but “schmuck” is; I encourage you to make stereotypical jokes.