Well, at least I hope that’s the case.
Today the world’s largest wireless provider claimed that Internet access is a “human right.”
“Internet access is now such an important part of life that we regard it as a modern civil liberty, according to seven in ten of those polled,” said a spokesperson for mobile giant Vodafone, which conducted today’s survey.
This is a clear case supporting my proposed law that people must record, and listen to everything first, before saying it in public. You read that correctly, they said “civil right,” as in Life, Liberty, the Pursuit of Happiness and zombo.com.
This statement is so out there, that it’s hard to comment on – I have no basis or history in this magnitude of retarded. (note: since “retarded” is no longer the accepted term for the specially able, I can use it in its original meaning without offending – if you’re offended, you need to pick a side, you can’t completely kill valid language.)
The best thing to do when something is claimed a human right, is play a little game of mad-libs. Try replacing the item in question, in this case “Internet,” with other terms that have equal or greater claim to be a right given the arguments presented. In Vodaphone’s case these are that people claim it would affect their work, and personal lives significantly if they were denied Internet access.
That sounds like the telephone, let’s try “telephone.”
Telephone access is now such an important part of life that we regard it as a modern civil liberty. That doesn’t sound right at all … but let’s try something else, just to be sure.
Well, Television is certainly an important part of life, and affects business and social lives significantly…
Television is now such an important part of life that we regard it as a modern civil liberty Wow, that’s pretty fucking retarded.
But hold on, what about cars? They certainly meet all those criteria…
Cars are now such an important part of life that we regard it as a modern civil liberty
I think you get my point, and hopefully you’re sweating at this point. There’s more, Somehow, their research took a turn for the worse.
One in ten women said they would rather surrender the right to vote than internet access
…hi, this is C007km’s assistant, I just came into his office and he was lying in a pool of blood, so I figured I’d just post this blog. TTYL!